Hai teman-teman kali ini saya mau melakukan sharing mengenai perbandingan IELTS writing task 2 mulai dari band 5 hingga 9, jadi akan ada 5 contoh essay di postingan kali ini. Untuk jenis soal akan sama yaitu di opinion essay, yang sudah pernah kita bahas di link ini.
Question:
Financial experts often recommend that individuals invest a significant portion of their savings in the stock market to build wealth over the long term. Some argue that investing in stocks is essential for financial security, while others caution against the risks involved. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Band 5 essay with explanation
I disagree with the idea that people should put a lot of their money in the stock market. It’s too risky and you might lose everything. Some folks say it’s important for making sure you have enough money, but I don’t think so.
First, the stock market goes up and down a lot, so you could end up losing a ton of money fast if things don’t go well. Also, investing in stocks is tricky, and if you don’t know much about it, you might make bad choices that cost you a lot of money.
Plus, the stock market is kind of like gambling sometimes. Prices can go way up or down for no real reason, and you can’t really control it. That means you might end up losing money even if you thought you were making a smart investment.
In summary, while some people think putting money in the stock market is a good idea, I think it’s too risky. It’s better to find safer ways to save your money.
Discussion:
Jawaban yang diberikan terlalu singkat (171 kata) dengan kata-kata yang sederhana. Introduction terlalu blak-blakan tanpa ada pembuka yang baik di paragraf. Penulis banyak menggunakan singkatan (it’s seharusnya it is), dan contoh yang diberikan cukup dangkal dan kurang dalam, memberikan gambaran bahwa penulis tidak menguasai topik dengan baik. Penggunaan grammar tidak akurat dan banyak kekurangan kata kerja dan kata sifat yang tidak sesuai. Untuk tulisan seperti ini akan mendapatkan band 5.
Band 6 essay with explanation
I somewhat agree that people should put some of their money in the stock market. Investing in stocks can help grow your money, but it also comes with risks that you need to think about.
Investing in stocks can give you a chance to make more money over time. Stocks have historically given better returns than other ways of saving money, like putting it in a bank. By spreading out your investments and putting some in stocks, you might make more money through growth and dividends, which can help you reach your financial goals, like saving for retirement. In most case, I believe many people can benefit from investing ther money on good stocks, but they have to be careful for sure.
Another thing is that investing gives potential for passive income from the company’s profit sharing. But, it’s important to know that investing in stocks can be risky. The stock market can go up and down a lot, and prices can change a bunch because of different reasons. This means you could lose money, especially if you don’t plan to invest for a long time or you don’t have a mix of investments. Also, picking the right stocks to invest in takes research and understanding, which might be hard for new investors. In a way, people can make money quickly or slowly depending on what they invest.
In conclusion, while putting money in the stock market can help you make more money, you need to be careful. Make sure you understand the risks and have a plan before you start investing.
Discussion:
Pembahasan sudah cukup berimbang, dengan argumen yang cukup baik dan contoh minimal, namun contoh masih bisa dikembangkan lagi dengan lebih spesifik mungkin mengacu pada sebuah persentase pertumbuhan misalnya (nilai saham bertambah X% dalam berapa tahun misal), atau mungkin beberapa data dan statistik bisa digunakan disini. Bahasa yang digunakan sudah cukup sesuai, namun tidak kompleks. Argumen mudah diikuti, cukup rapi, meskipun sederhana namun esai ini dapat meraih band 6 setidaknya.
Band 7 essay with discussion
I am inclined to agree with the assertion that individuals should consider investing a portion of their savings in the stock market. While investing in stocks carries certain risks, the potential benefits, such as wealth accumulation and financial growth, outweigh these concerns when approached with careful consideration and informed decision-making.
Investing in the stock market offers individuals the opportunity to grow their wealth over the long term. Historically, stocks have delivered higher average returns compared to other investment options, providing investors with the potential for capital appreciation and dividend income. By diversifying their investment portfolio and allocating a portion of their savings to stocks, individuals can harness the power of compounding returns to achieve their financial goals, such as retirement planning or wealth accumulation.
Moreover, investing in stocks encourages individuals to become more financially literate and engaged in their financial future. It fosters a mindset of long-term thinking and disciplined saving habits, as successful investing requires patience, research, and strategic decision-making. By actively managing their investments and staying informed about market trends and economic developments, individuals can take control of their financial destiny and build a more secure future for themselves and their families. However, it’s essential for investors to recognize the risks associated with investing in stocks and take steps to mitigate them. Market volatility, economic uncertainty, and company-specific risks can all impact stock prices and investment returns. Therefore, individuals should conduct thorough research, diversify their investment portfolio, and seek professional advice when necessary to minimize their exposure to potential losses.
In conclusion, while investing in the stock market entails certain risks, the potential rewards make it a valuable tool for wealth creation and financial security. By approaching investing with diligence, discipline, and a long-term perspective, individuals can harness the power of the stock market to achieve their financial goals and build a brighter future for themselves and their loved ones.
Discussion:
Pemilihan kata sudah baik, ide pokok dikembangkan sesuai dengan pertanyaan yang diminta. Intinya, tiap paragraf sudah memiliki pokok pikiran sendiri dan menjawab pertanyaan, meski untuk paragraf kedua dan ketiga terdapat ketidakseimbangan proporsi paragraf, dimana untuk paragraf ketiga masih lebih banyak kontennya daripada paragraf kedua secara signifikan. Terlebih lagi, di paragraf ketiga terdapat sentimen lain yang menunjukkan seolah-olah kita harus benar-benar berhati-hati (tidak sepenuhnya agree), jadi lebih baik jika digunakan untuk menambah supporting sentence saja. Selain itu, kompleksitas dari jawaban masih bisa ditingkatkan, juga dengan alur paragraf bisa ditambahkan kata hubung yang lebih bervariasi dan menarik.
Band 8 answer
I strongly advocate for the suggestion that individuals should diversify their investment portfolio by allocating a portion of their savings to the stock market. While investing in stocks entails certain risks, the potential rewards, including wealth accumulation and financial growth, far outweigh these concerns when approached with prudence and strategic planning.
Firstly, investing in the stock market offers individuals the opportunity to harness the power of compounding returns and achieve long-term financial goals. Historically, stocks have delivered superior returns compared to other asset classes, providing investors with the potential for capital appreciation and dividend income. By strategically diversifying their investment portfolio across various sectors and asset classes, individuals can mitigate risk and optimize returns, thereby enhancing their financial resilience and stability.
Moreover, investing in stocks fosters financial literacy and empowers individuals to take control of their financial future. It encourages a proactive approach to wealth management, where individuals actively engage in research, analysis, and decision-making to optimize their investment outcomes. By staying informed about market trends, economic developments, and company fundamentals, investors can make informed decisions that align with their financial objectives and risk tolerance.
In conclusion, while investing in the stock market carries inherent risks, the potential benefits make it a valuable tool for wealth creation and financial security. By adopting a prudent and disciplined approach to investing, individuals can capitalize on the opportunities offered by the stock market to achieve their financial goals and build a more secure future for themselves and their families.
Band 9 answer
I wholeheartedly endorse the assertion that individuals should diversify their investment portfolio by allocating a portion of their savings to the stock market. The benefits of investing in stocks, including the potential for wealth accumulation and financial growth, far outweigh the associated risks when approached with careful consideration and strategic planning.
Investing in the stock market provides individuals with unparalleled opportunities to achieve their long-term financial goals. Historically, stocks have outperformed other asset classes, delivering superior returns and enabling investors to capitalize on capital appreciation and dividend income. Through prudent diversification across various sectors and asset classes, individuals can optimize their investment returns while effectively managing risk, thereby bolstering their financial resilience and stability.
Furthermore, investing in stocks fosters financial literacy and empowers individuals to take control of their financial future. It encourages active engagement in research, analysis, and decision-making, enabling investors to make informed choices that align with their financial objectives and risk tolerance. By staying abreast of market trends, economic developments, and company fundamentals, investors can navigate the complexities of the stock market with confidence and precision.
In conclusion, investing in the stock market represents a cornerstone of sound financial planning and wealth management. By adopting a disciplined and strategic approach to investing, individuals can leverage the inherent opportunities of the stock market to achieve financial success and build a more secure future for themselves and their families. Thus, embracing stock market investing is not only shrewd, but essential for realizing one’s full financial potential and securing long-term prosperity.
Secara umum, vocab kunci dari band 8 dan 9 telah saya highlight, semoga teman-teman dapat melihat bahwa memang dari band 7 untuk bisa naik level memang dibutuhkan usaha yang lebih, maka dari itu Writing memang sering menjadi momok bagi test taker, dan tentunya membutuhkan pembiasaan dan penguasaan bahasa yang dilatih dalam jangka waktu lama. Kuncinya adalah menjadi efisien, namun tepat sasaran, menarik, dan persuasif. Silakan tulis di kolom komentar apabila ada pertanyaan, silakan juga hubungi kontak yang ada, good luck untuk pembelajaran teman-teman sekalian!
